Tehran, Iran - The results in the Iranian national elections are in and winner President MacMoody Ima Dinnerjacket now celebrates by handing out fake rocks, ordered from a special effects supply house, to his citizens.
"It is customary," said President Ima Dinnerjacket, "...for the government to allow its people to celebrate the conclusion of an election. We support their efforts by giving them each a fake rock which they enthusiastically repeatedly throw with gleeful abandon; a sign of their continued loyalty to the Iranian government and the country as a whole."
"The rock throwing custom goes back many centuries in Iran and is symbolic not only of their present loyalty but of a much-valued bond to the past."
"The role of flak vest wearing, baton weilding policemen in this exercise is confusing to many westerners. They are merely present to observe and account for the fake rocks. These rocks are rentals and they must be returned to their owners in the same or close to the same condition as when they were first obtained."
"When a citizen is beaten with a baton weilding policeman, it is merely that the citizen is trying to keep the rock in his hand or take it home for a souvenir. This cannot be allowed. A light tap with the baton is usually accompanied by the following words - 'Hey. You can't take that rock home with you. It is a rental. Please release the rock now. Your friends want to celebrate so let them throw it if you don't want to.'