Written by Bureau

Tuesday, 26 May 2009

image for The Great Adamsville Horse Shit War Of 1925-29

Ferdy Pusser was employed as a teenager in rural Tennessee as a fertilizer picker. The job consisted of Ferdy and a group of other young men who went around where horses were known to hang out and pick up horse manure to place into feed sacks, receiving 5 cents per bag.

On a hot August day in Adamsville, Ferdy had just received the news from an inside worker that his sack of horseshit was being cut to only four cents per bag.

Ferdy, angrily picked up a good sized chunk of pure horse hockey and hurled it at Big Jake who had offered him the four cents.

Jake pulled it off the back of his head and threw it back at Ferdy.

From that single incident began the famous "Adamsville Horseshit War of 1925-29" between striking baggers and the fertilizer companies.

Soon the Horseshit group were joined by the Cowshit Workers Local 111 of East Tennessee and marched alongside their horseshit brethren, after the horseshit group were attacked by company hired goons, baseball pitchers who could send a horse biscuit down the throat of any striker caught yawning.

Then, after a master horseshit ambush of company thugs who nearly drowned when falling into a five foot deep latrine dug by the strikers, the fertilizer companies hired trained monkeys, experts at flinging hockey!

By now the War had "spread" to four counties and had expanded to include horse hockey to cow pies to monkey shit!

September 11th, 1929, three monkeys running from a mob of fifty strikers and toward some trees, all fall in another five foot deep hidden latrine and get totally wasted!

Suddenly, as quickly as it began, both strikers, scabs or "Shitheads" and fertilizer companies realized they had allowed a single incident to go too far.

On January 2nd, 1930, a peace agreement was signed and the famous Adamsville Horseshit War was over.

The price of a bag of pure horseshit went back to five cents and the workers went out searching.

A statue of the three monkeys is still in Adamsville, Tennessee to this day, alongside that of over 200 shit-heavers that died early of hepatitis.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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