Written by Dr Scotty Madoc

Saturday, 23 May 2009

image for The Book That Changed My Life 'The joy of sex' pop up book claims another victim

I remember it well, June 1st 1984, this was the day in which i first encountered the novel 'Sweethearts Dance For Peanuts' by the Scottish literary behemoth Jasper Biggins.

I had just finished breakfasting at Mammas during which we had scoffed an amusing buttered scone and discussed the importance of good bowling etiquette when i felt compelled to visit a little book dealing establishment opposite Kensingtons famous dying tramp.

My eyes immediately fell upon the cover of this book, dazzling, bejewelled and recklessly art nouveau, I almost collapsed of nervous exhaustion merely gazing upon it. I took it to the counter and paid the pleasant fellow the allocated four pounds, sixty five pence before wending my merry way back home.

I couldn't stop myself though, the book seemed to call out to me, begging for my trembling hands to open its fresh covers and my eager eyes to pluck its virginal ink cherry before devouring it whole.

I carefully took out the book and slowly opened it, gasping at the way the words seemed to line up like military soldiers on the white page, left to right, how every word seemed to be placed perfectly on the page with 'the' coming almost directly before 'cat' as if destiny itself had guided the writers pen.

I was struck by a ten ton truck and lost both my legs.

I am older now and wiser as the years have taken their toll. I have learned how to 'jack' heroin as i believe it is called and have discovered the delight of 'broth' at the Salvation Army's delightful local soup house.

There have been many books which have changed my life in many ways. Dan Brown's 'The Da Vinci Code' made me grow a pair of breasts upon my chin and 'Harry Potter' taught me the value of witchcraft. But i shall never forget that fateful day in 1984 when i first... erm...

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Books
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