Written by Rula Nation

Wednesday, 29 April 2009

image for 10 Telltale Signs That Your Mother's Dead So No Sunday Lunch This Week Then Mother?

Mums eh? Always there to reassure and cook for you. Always there to offer shrewd and wise observations on your latest choice of partner. Aren't mum's great?

That is of course until you notice a bizarre absence in new memories relating to her.

Here follows a list of 10 telltale signs that should inform you that she has in fact died and that you didn't just invent her whilst caned off of your tiny nut at some loser's after party last Sunday morning.

1: She seems not to have returned your's or anybody else's calls for quite some time.

2: Your Xmas/Birthday/Hanukkah pickings have got somewhat slimmer.

3: You have a vague drink sodden memory of attending a family party at which everyone was wearing black and yet your mother seems strangely absent from the picture.

4: Your partner, family and doctor have become rather concerned that your mother has apparently started calling you.

5: Dad seems so much happier.

6: Your phone bill is somewhat cheaper.

7: Your fridge door is less cluttered by postcards and shit.

8: The family pets seem thinner/dead.

9: You find yourself having to drag your own childhood photos out for new partners.

You feel smug about your increased disposable income come Mother's Day.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Mothers
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