Written by bschooled

Monday, 27 April 2009

I have to say, it's not very often that I meet someone I click with so well. You and I have so much in common, that were it not for the fact I am repulsed by the thought of kissing you, we would make a great couple.

Don't get me wrong, I am sure many women would consider you to be a real catch. The fact you have all your hair and aren't horribly disfigured or anything is a real selling point for the ladies these days. I guess I am just one of those people who needs a little more from my life partner.
You are also the most honest, loyal and considerate man I have ever known. And as if that's not enough, you always seem to make me feel like I am the most wonderful woman on the planet. Basically, you are the whole package, minus the attractive part.

When we chat on the phone and you tell me about the life-saving operation you performed that day, or the children you met during your one of medical trips overseas, I listen to your voice while picturing George Clooney or any of the guys on Grey's Anatomy on the other end of the line.

I hope I don't sound vain or anything, Trust me, I have dated my fair share of bottom feeders. I just feel that since I had the gastric bypass surgery and boob job, I have grown out of that "its what's on the inside that counts" stage of my life. I need to draw a line somewhere, and the thought of waking up to you every morning for the rest of my life makes me physically nauseous. A girl has got to have standards, you know?

I hope this doesn't change anything between us, your platonic companionship means the world to me and when I eventually do decide to settle down and get married, I hope you are right there by my side. As a witness to the ceremony, not the groom, of course.

By the way, if you know of any guys who are up a few notches in the looks department, feel free to pass on my digits.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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