Just got married and want a firework display? Need a few rockets let off at New Year? Look no further than Hamas, the Palestinians you know you can trust.
For only the price of three shekels and a cup of dirty water, our team won't even come to your house and disturb your privacy - they'll light the fuses of the rockets ten miles away, then fire them in the vague direction of where you live.
To add to all the excitement the rockets may not even go off at all, or may go off in your neighbourhood's children's school! What pleasure that will give the little ones, as they laugh and sing and watch the building fall to the ground! How they will thank you for an extra day's holiday!
And as a special offer this month, for two shekels more Hamas will arrange a flypast by ten jet fighters over your home. What better way to celebrate a birthday or passing your exams than to have planes breaking the sound barrier a few feet above your roof, and breaking your windows!
Here's what a few of our customers have to say about our wonderful service: 'Awesome, I needed a new garden anyway, just hadn't got round to it. Not much of a choice now, so thanks, Hamas!', Mrs Esther Goldberg, Tel-Aviv.
'When I told my kids Hamas were going to let off rockets for their party, my eldest burst into tears, and said 'Thanks, Dad! This will be a party we won't ever forget!' Though oddly enough the next-door neighbours all suddenly died just as the rockets were going off, I can't understand why', Mr Joseph Isaacs, Ben-Crenshaw.
So please try our fireworks displays. Order now, and we'll give you a free excuse to get lots of dollars from the mugs in Washington. Don't order now, and we'll send you a reminder next week - by rocket.
Hamas - puts the bang into parties, weddings and bar-mitzvahs! The Palestinians you can trust.