This is Wiley Berry and I live out on the Huntsville Road in Montgomery County. Would you run this letter in the Letters To The Editor of your fine internet magazine?
Our salesmen have had a lot of trouble selling their hemorrhoid cream over the past six months and I was wondering if any of your fine humorists would come here in Altoonaville to do a motivational speech and get them going again.
They've become constipated, hemorrhoid-sales wise.
We sell Harry's Miracle Whip Hemorrhoid Cream and it's a wonderful product. The trouble is, nobody's buying anything at the present time.
If one of you gifted writers would come here in early May, we could arrange for you to speak before our entire sales staff at a local high school cafeteria as they would be on their spring break.
Hope you have some funny jokes. Not enough humor in hemmrhoid medicine sales these days and it would inspire our sales force to be able to deliver a knee-slapper and one-liners while going door to door.
The thing is, during this depression, people actually WANT their hemorrhoids to act up. It helps them to keep their minds off the stock market and Bernie Madoff.
As we like to say here, let's hope that stock market has "Bottomed-Out!".
That's a golden oldie there, once handed to us by George Burns when Gracie was still alive and stupid.
You see how out of date we are and how badly we need a new speaker.
Let us know. There'll be a nice fee plus all the high school cafeteria food you can eat.