Written by Aspartame Boy

Saturday, 31 January 2009

image for Banking System Explained by Joe the Soda Jerk Suck bank, go ahead, suck harder

PARKER, Colorado - Joe the Soda Jerk, of Woolpuke's Drugs, explained to a large crowd of reporters at 9am today, exactly what is going on in the banking world under the opaque TARP - where the money is really going.

"Let's say your a banker. You make money by sticking a straw up people and sucking out what ever is inside, aspartame, blood, whatever they got.

"Well, one day, you get it all. But do you stop sucking? No. You keep sucking even when it makes that loud noise. You keep sucking until the people cave in. That loud noise is people screaming, and dying.

"Then what do you do?

"You can't get anymore out of them, so you make their government sign papers so you can do it to their kids too.

"Because, you have to have more and more and more. Why? All Madoff schemes require it.

"More and more and more, even when it is all gone. Especially when it is all gone, or you are exposed.

"And if there is no more, you make the Government create more, just for you. If they do not, you threaten them with martial law, becuase you control the government. They don't control you.

"It's great to be a banker."

At that point, he gave each reporter a straw and asked us if we had the stomach for it. Most of us puked. Then we ran to file the story. We had mortgages to pay.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Banks
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