Deerfield, Iowa - "Red" Ryder has been publicly ridiculed in his hometown of Dry Springs again this week. Apparently his application for a patent on his new self-powered automatic lawn mower has been rejected for a very unusual reason: Patents can't include the use of a live animal.
"Red," who was disappointed by the rejection of his fifth patent application this year, stood outside the local pool hall and demonstrated his amazing invention. As we listened and looked for our missing camera, which had apparently been stolen during the second round of brewskis, Mr. Ryder gave us the juicy details of his latest scientific wonder.
"The first thing you'll notice is the streamlined body style," he began. "And there's not another lawnmower made today that sits as low to the ground, and yet is guaranteed to never bog down on thick growth, or go clanging agin an unexpected tree root."
A shocked silence fll over the gathered crowd of three, however, when Bob Roberts, a longtime competitor of Ryder's, said, "That ain't no lawnmower, dangit! It's two rabbits under an upside down box!"
A heated debate broke out at that point, but we were unable to cover it as the guy who stole our camera was spotted entering the pawn shop next door.