Born where, and to whom? What are his familial antecedents?
His mother: reportedly an Irish-American white Atheist woggle weaver from Kansas (precisely the same place as another Wizard of Oz character: Dorothy, and her canine pal Toto).
His father: reputedly a black Muslim Kenyan banana straightener, whom his mother divorced two years before he was born.
His step-father: supposedly a Wahabi Muslim Indonesian transvestite, employed as a Jakarta-based snake oil vendor, married Mrs. Obama when Barack was four years old.
One paternal Iraqi Arab uncle, Saddam, that became a brutal military dictator, infamous for his Weapons of Mass Distraction.
A maternal black Irish cousin, Spudsy, who terrorised Ulster in the early '70's by throwing exploding taters at British troops.
Three paternal aunts, one of whom, Lizzy, was present when Barack was born in Hawaii, the second, Dizzy, whom was present when Barack was born again, in Kenya. The third aunt, Tizzy, was present when Barack was born yet again, this time in Dublin.
The man himself: Barack Hussein O'Barmy: his place of birth and actual nationality vary with the changes of the wind and the teller of the tale.
Hawaii, and thus his claim to US citizenship. Indonesia, Kurdistan, Tristan da Cunha, Nibiru: the 12th Planet, Israel, Scunthorpe, Eire, Diego Garcia, Tierra del Fuego and even that he was cloned from Rhesus monkey and hamster genes by alien Greys at their Mount Shasta underground base.
Yet another rumour, the most popular and likely to date, is that he was calved in Kenya. However, if he was born there, in 1961, it was then under the jurisdiction of a foreign power, Britain, and he is thus ineligible to be president of the U.S. Not only that, he is an illegal alien on American soil. Green card revoked.
Rumour holds he was educated as a radical Muslim in Indonesia but found it politically expedient to join the Christian United Church of Pancake Tuesday Adventists to counter the fact he's a camouflaged Islamic radical bent on concluding America's demise as a world superpower and heralding in a martial law state policed by foreign security services.
Speculation that he's one of Mossad's Zionist-Judaic mind slaves goes unmentioned in polite, Gentile, company. However, the fact he constantly referred to Hillary Rodent Clinton as "that goyim dyke slut" during the election primaries does nothing to dispel this rumour.
So, the controversy rages on: unresolved. Or does it?
Earlier this month saw the passing of FBI senior G-man turned super-grass, Mark Felt, aka the Deep Throat of Watergate renown and Tricky Dicky Nixon's eventual Nemesis.
While confined to a California hospital early in November, dying of congestive conscience failure, a member of Felt's family informed him Barack Hussein Obama had won the US Presidential election. His reply was: "Barack who?" followed by a recognitive "Ah, the coloured guy. The Illinois illusion."
This led to Felt eventually revealing the whereabouts of tapes and documents that have since become known to investigative journalists and political conspiracy theorist nuts alike as the O'Barmy X-Files.
Felt's header to the files states : "When a nobody become Somebody, a junior Senator for Illinois runs for President, and is voted into office, then check their credentials very carefully, and those of their backers with even greater scrutiny."
The first two names to appear through the clearing haze of Felt's crystal ball were Zbigniew Brzezinski and George Soros. The master conjurer-illusionist and the global financier. The public puppets of the shadowy global Puppet Masters.
While Shrubby works his notice as the incumbent president, still possessed with the personality of a Galveston trailer park and being as much fun as chemotherapy, his ersatz replacement, O'Barmy, doesn't even exist in terms of physical reality to even inherit these faults.
He's an illusion. A hologram. An imaginary figment of the US voting population's pre-conditioned mindsets, with the sham birth certificate controversy diverting attention from the fact he simply is not real.
He's an apparition, a smoke and mirrors phenomena that a novice Starbucks employee might create by screwing up a latte during their first day on the job.
Not too dark, nor too light, just an odd sickly shade of brown resembling baby shit.
The first coloured president ! Just what the darker-skinned segments of US society always wanted since the ratification of the 13th Amendment. A leader that shall eventually prove far from sweet to the core, with a lingering bitter aftertaste which will scour the throat raw.
Thus Max Felt stated "It's not the birth certificate that's a fake : it's the man himself : he doesn't exist. It's a wilderness of mirrors, all Scotch mist.
There's no real Rev. Wright controversy, no Donald Young corpse to trip over, no Larry Sinclair cocaine or blowjob scandals. They're all distraction ploys on a grand scale. Believe the scandals hence believe in the man. He's a figment of the US population's collective imaginations. He does not exist."
"The psychopaths that really run the world are playing sick games and laughing in our faces at the collective stupidity. After the tear-jerking trauma and resentment caused by 9/11 they're giving the US voting public a coloured radical Muslim President who isn't even an American citizen and is even dumber that the Shrub. Now that is rubbing our noses in it."
"All these fantasy scandals involving classical villains and pantomime characters, add a sense of reality to their daydream presidential figure. He's a black and white hologram. Obama doesn't exist, he's more at scent than substance."
"There is no birth certificate: Hawaiian or Kenyan. No correction fluid tampering.
The global military-industrial complex run the US elections and the Obama myth is their current cartoon projection of choice for President."
"It's a fact that Junior Bush never called a single shot in eight years. This two-legged concoction of political fiction is only here for two reasons. To declare martial law and kick off World War Three."