Written by Bureau

Sunday, 21 December 2008

image for About Visit To Umbrellastan "I see all the nuts are not on the tree and ground."

Dear Spoof,

This here is Wiley Beery and I live out on the Huntsvlle Road in Montgomery County. Please run this letter in the Letters To The Editor department of your internet newspaper.

Are any of you Spoof readers originally from Umbrellastan in Eastern Europe? If so, please write to me or call.

You see, I was on a recent trip-Bargain Basement Tours- and after we toured Turkmenistan, Tajikestan, Kazakastan, Kurdistan, Uzbeckastan, Pakastan and Afghanistan (They have the most beautiful hand-made coverings there), we wound up in your country of Umbrellastan.

There, while visiting an outdoor market, I suddenly had the urge to go outdoors. Having made the proper hand signals, I finally located a toilet but when I opened the door the commode was HUGE! I guess they made it that way so that 'one size fits all'.

So I did my business but when I tried to flush before
getting up, I found that the huge suction pulled me
straight back into the big commode and all that stuck out were my two arms and legs and my neck and head!

I was so embarrassed. Still, I used the head to recall the universal call for needing help. I screamed at the top of my lungs.

Soon many gathered around and went and got others to see the specticale. Lots of flashbulbs later, a small group of big men got hold of each arm and leg and one used a big plunger on the center of my head (my new red toupee had slid down the commode) and pulled me out.

Except for my newly pointed head and extended arm reach and being two inches taller, I'm doing fair-unto-middlin. Of course there's that big ring around the backside that Dr. Fong says will eventually go away. (I'm now known at the lodge as 'Ring-tailed Galloot').

But the main thing is that I'm basically OK, except for the need of being re-potty-trained.

So if any of you Spoof readers are originally from
Umbrellastan, please come over to see me on the Huntsville Road, I'd like to shake your hand.

I heartily recommend to all Montgomery County that they one day tour Umbrellastan.

Regards,
Wiley Beery

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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