Written by Bureau

Sunday, 14 December 2008

image for Ex-General Schwarzkopf Claims He Could've Taken Iraq, Iran, North Korea "Just turn me loose on em!"

Interviewed at the Old Soldier's Rest Home & Canteen, former General Norman Schwarzkopf spoke to reporters yesterday about how he could've dealt with the War on Terror a little differently:

I could've gone through the whole of Iraq like a bowie knife through hot shit if they had wanted me too. I could have then crushed Iran and cut off that little dictator's nuggets in North Korea within six months but no one in Washington would let me.

I tell you, I got so sick of that weasley little 'Wouldn't be prudent', I could have saved the whole world from all this present pile of horse hockey!

If the Big Cheese wanted these little turds handed to him, I'd brought them in three bodybags and set them on fire on the White House Porch.

Cheney was Secretary of Defense back then. They musta had something good on him cause he was different later. But let him try to shoot ME in the face!

I've been thinking about doing it anyway, but word got out and they had me brought here.

Don't tell anybody...but I STILL may sneak out and get those fairy carmaker CEOs.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
More by this writer
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Go to top
50 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more