Written by Teenage Angst

Friday, 25 June 2004

NEW YORK, NY- Martha Hughes was your typical good girl in high school; 4.0, never partied, and no "cool" boyfriend. She was the epitome of the high school nerd who we all made fun because of their hair, acne, or clothes.
"I was your typical loner... I didn't want to get screwed up in life, and all those people really scared me." said Martha about her old life. "I masterbated... a lot"

After graduating and getting accepted to Redwood University, she decided she needed a change. After shopping on several trashy websites and reading countless articles in Hustler and Penthouse, Martha was ready to try on her new persona.

After her biology exam, Martha went to the Alpha Omega Delta frat party where she met up with horny sophomore, Andy Toggler.
"When I met Martha, I thought she was a real skank... so I got her drunk and screwed her several times... well, I think it was her anyway! Who are you?" slurred Andy when we interviewed him at lunch.

Martha gives us this advice if we want men to like us nerdy females: "Push up those breasts, stick out your ass, laugh like hell, and screw and screw and screw"

Anything else?

"Yeah... birth control! I recommend the shot because you don't get your period and you don't need protection... well, I don't anymore since I already have HPV.. among other things." she says as she pushes her son, Tre, in his swing. "That's the way to do; get every STD so you don't need protection!! That's the way to live!"

Recent polls indicate that Martha is correct. 90% of men would rather hang out with a "ho" than a "bitchy nerd skank".

So girls; bend over, and screw like mad!!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Hair, New York, School
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