When asked what the first thing he'd do as newly elected Prime Minister, Conservative party leader 'Do Nothing Dave' Cameron announced to the world's press that he would:
'Ban Baby On Board car stickers.'
Why? Anton Wildebeest of the Cape Times enquired.
'They're dishonest,' said Do Nothing Dave. 'They're misleading. They represent everything that's wrong with society today.'
How so? asked asked Jonathon Arseprod of the Times.
'Quite often there isn't a baby on board. It's as simple as that,' said Do Nothing Dave. 'It's a sad way of telling Tory voting Chelsea tractor drivers to keep their distance.
'And anyway, 'on board' is a nautical term. It has nothing whatsoever to do with motoring. Enough is enough. And I'm not for turning on this one.'
What about the global financial meltdown? asked Archie Juggs of the FT.
'Never mind about that,' Do Nothing Dave snorted. 'These Baby On Board stickers have to go. We'll sort the rest out later.'
'Prick,' muttered an unidentified Daily Mirror staffer.
More as we get it.