Written by Aspartame Boy

Friday, 5 December 2008

GENEVA - UN officials disclosed to this TheSpoof writer that when the UN takes over next year, capital punishment will be administered by the UN using aspartame.

"We feel it is quite humane to provide a sweet experience. There are many reasons for this choice. Here are the top ten:

10. It's fun to clean up the spills cause you can lick your fingers.

9. It's approved by the USA FDA as a food additive, so we can't be sued in case of false executions.

8. No further embalming is required.

7. We got a good deal on the aspartame, enough to kill 9/10 of the world population if required.

6. No license required to ship or store aspartame.

5. It doesn't attract ants.

4. It has a great smell.

3. We don't have to mess with needles; they just drink the solution.

2. We don't need to blindfold the person because they go blind prior to death.

1. There is no chance they can survive the LD1000 that we administer."

"I see", I continued. "So, when do you begin these executions?"

"Have some more diet soda.. I see you didn't finish yours."

I ran screaming from the building.. I hope it's not too late.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Aspartame
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