The central European city of Varnia, formerly known as Schitzenpitzenholle is a weekend break destination set to rival the likes of Paris, Barcelona, Prague and Rome.
Renamed in honour of the late 'On The Buses' star Reg Varney, the classic British sitcom aroused such a devoted following here that it almost approached fever pitch.
Just about everything in Varnia has been modelled on an 'On The Buses' theme.
In Piazza Reggio Varney, travellers can see an imposing marble statue of Blakey, the miserable Bus Inspector which announces every hour on the hour 'I hate you Butler.'
St Olive's Basilica on Doris Hare Strasse features a twenty foot bronze statue of the blessed Madonna. Wearing coke bottle bottom glasses as worn by Olive off 'On The Buses'.
Adjuntament Palacio De Arthur - the city hall, featuring statues and works of art depicting Olive's whingey, baldy, miserable shite of a husband, Arthur. Out of 'On The Buses.'
The Clippy Bar on Rue Des Buses, just south of Piazza Reggio Varney is a strip joint where the waitresses and artistes all start out wearing bus conductress uniforms, some of which don't stay on for very long. This is raucous, and reflects the increasing stature of Varnia as a centre for the Euro Porn industry.
Palazzo Del Buses - Calle Del Green Bus. Magnificent central bus station, a veritable explosion of polished marble, bus related works of art, souvenirs and assorted memorabilia.
The Leery Jack - A bar predominantly patronised by females, where the waiters all have unnaturally long teeth, and make suggestive comments to the clientele about their legs, cleavage, and fuckability. Whilst wearing peaked bus conductor hats. Named after Stan Butler's randy sidekick Jack. Out of 'On The Buses'.
Next time - Where to stay in Varnia.