WASILLA, Alaska - A visibly upset Todd Palin told a reporter for The Juneau Morning Snowfall Dispatch, Edna de Colorado, that he did not appreciate the way his wife was treated in her interview with ABC's Charlie Gibson.
Palin, Alaska's 'First Dude' stated, "Sarah and I invited the man into our home, Sarah prepared him a delicious salmon salad with polar bear tonsil-flavored croutons topped of with her own special blend of 'I Can See Russia From My House Russian Salad Dressing'. She cooked us a wonderful meal of stir fried female elk smothered in yummy woodchuck inners with marinated reindeer balls on the side. It was truly a feast fit for the King of Iceland.
"And then after dinner we sat down in the family room before her interview and we talked about wildnerness stuff. I asked him if he had ever stalked a caribou. And he looked at me and asked, 'Now why in the world would I want to do that?' I then asked him if he had ever survived out in the wilderness by eating nothing but spider lips, hummingbird hair, frog tits, and old snow? Gibson quickly got up and ran into the bathroom holding his stomach. Sarah laughed and she told me to behave myself.
"When he returned from the bathroom, he and Sarah sat down for her interview. And at first it was kind of cordial with him asking her basic questions like, 'how are you?' 'how much do you weigh?' 'what's your favorite color?' 'whose face is on the Lincoln penny?' and 'paper or plastic?'
"But then all of a sudden Gibson ambushed my sweet little wife with his question about the 'Bush Doctrine.' And then when he realized that she had no idea on Earth what the heck he was talking about he asked her again.
"After the interview was over I confronted Mr. Gibson but luckily for him three of my wife's secret service agents stepped in between us. They then quickly ushered Gibson out to the waiting taxi and the pompous punk headed for the airport."
"You know Edna," Todd remarked, "I was really fit to be tied but Sarah told me to settle down. She then starting laughing and saying if Charlie only knew that the thermal underwear that we had lent him were hers he would probably have started crying."
Todd then stated,"I just don't like 'lower 48' city slickers prancing up here and acting like they're better than us. Gibson thinks that he's all athletic because he plays handball and tennis. Well let me tell you, I gave him a ride on my snowmobile and when I got that baby up to 90 MPH I thought Gibson was going to pee in his pants. You should of heard him screaming like our little daughter Willow.
"And then I took him out for a ride on our dog sled. And I told him that we get the dogs to go by yelling 'Mush.' well old 'Mr. City Slicker' kept yelling 'Mesh.' And so of course that confused the hell out of the dogs and all they did was sit there and look at each other. Finally, after about the seventh time that Gibson yelled 'Mesh' I told him that the proper word was 'Mush.'
"Edna, let me tell you something but this is just between us. After Gibson left to return to the 'lower 48,' I had a long talk with my 'honeykins' (Sarah) and I told her that if McCain and her lose the election that I will be flying to New York City, in my own personal float plane, and I will be paying Mr. Charlie Gibson a serious little visit"
Todd shook his head and said, "Gibson might know all about the 'Bush Doctrine' but he doesn't know diddly squat about the 'Igloo Doctrine.' He asked me some of the dumbest questions that I had ever heard. He asked 'Charlie, do igloos have refrigerators in them?' And I looked at him in disbelief and I swear that I almost told him, no Charlie Eskimos keep their milk, eggs, and ice cream in their underwear drawer.
"And then he asked me if I had ever seen a two-story igloo. Well that was all that I could take, that was the last frozen straw. I stood up, I winked at my wife, and I told Gibson that that I had to go out and rotate the tires on my snowmobile."
In other news, North Carolina is the first state in the nation to pass a bill outlawing second hand smoke in elementary school rooms. Violators will recieve a $200 fine for the first offense, a $12,000 fine for the second offense, and on their third offense they will be forced to move to North Dakota.