Written by Pointer

Friday, 24 October 2008

Just as the Princeton, New Jersey based multi-million dollar testing industry has been losing business due to the critical scrutiny of the best pinnacles of higher learning, the scholastic aptitude analyzers have marketed two new tests. One will provide eighth graders with a pre- Preliminary Aptitude Test. This would set up an 8, 10(PSAT) and 11 and 12th grade scholastic aptitude hat trick.

Never one to question the need for ubiquitous and infinite testing( two vocab words found on this years tests... hint, hint)the College Board is now recommending its four bagger testing battery. An advertisement for the four stage gauntlet urges parents who love their children and want their "consummate success" to administer the NBSAT as soon after the emergence of the little scholar as possible.

The test for new borns asks questions like: teat or rubber nipple? cloth or disposable? and pacifier or thumb? The queries are delivered through Baby Einstein like videos and a magic eye embedded in the DVD can "read" the baby's responses. Both the Princeton review and the Kaplan Test Preparation Corporation are developing software to help parents and their infants "game" the new test.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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