Written by Judge Retort

Friday, 17 October 2008

image for FBI Investigates ACORN for Voter Fraud Happy American voters rolling down to the polls to vote for the Hussein of their choice

In addition, the FBI is expanding its investigation beyond ACORN and into other nutty American political groups.

Here's the FBI's list of top American political nuts:

ACORN - Supports Barack Hussein-Obama and has the little-acorn-to-giant-oak thing going.
(In response, it should be observed that Mr. Obama, during the final weeks of the election, is wearing higher and higher elevator shoes.
"Hussein-Obama" Note: His father King Hussein of Jordan married Lady Obama, ex-wife of former Beatle Paul McCartney and made quite famous in his 1968 hit "Lady Obama".)

ACORN remains under investigation for suspicious registration of the dead, the near-dead, the comatose, the unconscious, those taking particularly deep naps, anyone snoring, anyone blinking for too long, and zombies (liberal-only zombies -- but that's redundant).

PEANUT - Supports John Hussein-McCain. Being investigated for suspicious registration of Vietnam POW/MIAs.
("Hussein-McCain Note: His father King Hussein of Arizona married Boom-Boom McCain, a dancing girl from New Orleans, who turns out to be a suspicious member of CHESTNUT)

CHESTNUT - Supports extraverted candidates only. Under investigation for exposing stimulating adult-only political propaganda. Active Members: Janet Jackson, Madonna, and Mick Jagger. Over Active Members: Gene Simmons of KISS and Rod Hussein Stewart of Rod Stewart.

BRAZILNUT - Supports Jesse Hussein Jackson's continued bid for the Whitehouse. Under investigation for street fighting with ACORN.

WINGNUT - Supports Ralph Hussein Nader. Under investigation for undermining ACORN.

HAZELNUT - Supports female presidentical candidates - most recently Hillary Hussein Clinton. Lately, in reluctant support of most recent female presidentical hopeful, is changing its name to SARAHNUT. Under investigation for failing to supply cute eyeglasses to registries and registrars.

FILBERT - Spoof only. This is a fictitious character, in the DILBERT cartoon strip, which parodies the nutty American voter. In the cartoon strip, Catbert the ultra evil HR director (Catbert is actually a pussycat compared to real HR directors), fires Filbert after Filbert takes an hour off from work to vote and is found cowering in fear beneath Dilbert's cubicle "desk". Filbert is the illegitimate son of Dogbert and Catbert (who is actually a clipped-haired, mean-faced queen in drag.) Filbert pulls himself together, summons up spectacular courages and runs for President of the United States after changing his name to Husseinbert.

PISTACHIO - Supports Italian-only candidates. Investigated for false registration of individuals found at the bottom of New York's Hussein River wearing concrete goulashes, you-know-what-I-mean-booby??
Present status of investigation: Fuget-about-it!

WALNUT - The most bitter of all political nuts. Supports revocation of the 22nd Amendment banning former Presidents from squatting on the Whitehouse. Founding members include Bill Hussein Clinton, Jimmy Hussein Carter, Gerald Hussein Ford, and George non-W Bush. Ronald Hussein Reagan supplied yet another of his posthumous support videos.

COCONUT - Supports Hussein-only candidates. Founded by Barack Hustlein Obama. Under investigation for inciting discord in BRAZILNUT, WINGNUT, HAZELNUT, and PEANUT with ACORN.

Now, get out there and vote! Vote for the Hussein of your choice - but vote!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
More by this writer
Read full story
Read full story
Read full story
Read full story
Read full story
Read full story

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more