Written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 4 October 2008


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image for The New Britney 'Oops' Spears' Workout DVD's Britney Spears (photo courtesy of Barack Obama)

The highly reputable and quite expensive ($17 a copy) magazine, Woman's Habitual Housekeeping & Fashionable Fitness Monthly assigned its senior writer, McKenna Littlemill to do an article on either France's first lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, Dancing With The Stars' judge Carrie Ann Inaba, or singer/actress Britney Spears. Littlemill flipped a coin and Britney won.

Britney Spears has been an actress, a singer, a dancer and now she wants to become a workout DVD princess. It seems that she recently came across some old Jane Fonda workout videos that belonged to her mom and now she has been bit by the workout bug. And, Britney who at the age of 26, has now become one of the world's top three* female celebrities more famous for getting out of cars than anything else has definitely gotten herself back into shape.

One of her assistants, Melanie Pushkin, said to WHH & FFM's Littlemill, "Ms. Spears is really committed to her latest project. She has stopped drinking all alcoholic beverages, she doesn't do drugs, she no longer cusses or spits at the paparazzi, and she only has sex on every other Saturday. Puskin added, "Brit has been working with some of the best workout instructors in California, people like Alejandro 'Awesome Abs' Ackazooma, 40, who has worked with Lou Ferrigno, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Andy Dick. Also Max 'Six-Pack Abs' Brackla, 53, who was the executive fitness director on the PBS six-part series, The Awesomely Awesome Musclemen, Musclewomen, and Musclekids of Mozambique."

Puskin said that Britney likes Brackla so much that she is paying him double his standard hourly fee. Puskin stated, "Brackla is considered to be the foremost expert in getting movie animals into shape. And that is not an easy thing to do since most movie animals really don't give a damn about their biceps, triceps, quadriceps, and gluteal muscles." She added, "Last year Brackla received 'The Coveted Rudd Weatherwax (Lassie's trainer) Meritorious Award For Unbounded Patience in The Training, Feeding, Neutering, and Spaying of All Kinds and Types of Animals.' This past August, Ireland, Cuba, Acapulco, and most all of Indonesia bestowed on Brackla the title of 'The Without a Shadow of a Doubt King of Animal Bodybuilding.'

Brackla is married to Trudi Brackla, 28, (nee Nipcheese) who works as a Hooter's Girl in Lompoc (Calif.). Max Brackla has worked with elephants in the movie 'Operation Dumbo Drop,' with pigs in 'Babe: Pig in the City,' with penguins in 'March of the Penguins,' and most recently with dogs, in 'Beverly Hills Chihuahuas.' He won two oscars for his work with the animals in the late John Belushi film 'Animal House.'"

Britney's 8-Set Workout DVD Series Includes The Following DVD's:

1. The Oops, I Hit Another Car Again Gangsta Rap

2. The Doing The Drug Rehab Hip Hop Rap

3. The Born To Bogey To The Irreconcilable Differences Ghettotech Rap

4. The Visitation Rights Techo Scratching What's Up Watts Rap

5. The Girl In The Leotards Doing The East LA Restraining Order Hey Homes Barrio Chicano Rap

6. The Time Out For The Random Drug Step-In-Place Cement Shoes Mafioso Rap

7. The Boom Boom Ba Boom Boom Ba Boom Ba Boom Brazilian Funk Rap

8. The Don't Gimme No More of That Unknown Substance Beatboxing Snap Rap 90-Cent Music It's a Rap Rap

Britney recently appeared on CNN with Campbell Brown and Anderson Cooper dressed in pink short shorts and a blue blouse with the words 'World's Greatest Mom - Not!' printed on the front. She talked openly about her relationships with Justin, Madonna, Kevin, and the planet Neptune. Ms. Spears told Campbell that 95% of all proceeds from the sale of her series of workout DVD's will be given to the following non-profit charitable organizations:

The Oxnard Hotel for Unwed Mothers and Unwed Grandmothers of The Left Coast

The Al Pacino Home for Wayward Girls and/or Wayward Women of Western Wyoming

The Florentine & Julienne Fingerfood Beverly Hills Complex Compound For The Troubed Teens of The Filthy Rich

The Alliance To Build Teepees & Wigwams For Displaced Native Americans of Indian Descent Due To America's Manifest Destiny Proclamation and The Get The Hell Out of Our Way You Buffalo Chasers Doctrine of 1881 Organization.

*The other two are Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan

(Batteries Not Included)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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