Saturday, 5 July 2008


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for ABC's of Driving These are the assholes you avoid; NEVER pull over

A is for being an Asshole on the road.

Books are meant to be read on the road, so crack open that Harry Potter novel and start reading on the drive!

Cut the grass to pass traffic, and make sure to run over the stupid damn flowers.

Drink and Drive-the more drunk the better. Drink until you almost die, then go driving.

Every other driver is a shit-head, so make sure that they know that.

Foul language is the only language you should use when communicating with other shitty drivers; especially those dumb ass cops.

Guns are a must for driving. A bit pissed off at the driver in front of you? Shoot their ass!

Hit and runs are a great money savor; you do not need to pay for their problems.

I is for the fagots who stop at Intersections, what douche bags! You should never stop at an Intersection

Jail is for the dumbasses that actually pull over; never stop for a cop; that is what running from them is for.

Kill people for fun; just ram into their stupid-ass cars! (This is the real life version of Grand Theft Auto man!)

L is for losers who do not have sex while driving.

Medians in the road are meant to be driven on. Who cares about the paved road, start off-roading into the median.

Never wear a seat belt; flying out of the car when you crash at 90 mph is just fucking fun.

O is for Outrageous driving; the only kind of driving-speed and arrogance.

P is for Passing out when driving. Tired? Just pass out and pedal to the medal!

Q is for Questions; go with your gut, do not Question whether you should hit the old lady on the side walk or not-just do it!

Road rage is the key to success while driving, if someone pisses you off kill them! Best way: have an AK-47 and hail them with bullets, then crash into their ass!

Street racing is for the cool cats; speed, speed, and some more speed!

T is for Tailgating; the closer you are to their bumper, the better; ride their ass baby!

U is for driving while Under the influence of hardcore drugs-combine crack, heroin, and meth, then start driving!

Visibility is for losers; make sure you cannot see in front of you before you start driving.

W is for driving on the Wrong side of the road; the other assholes need to watch where they're going.

X-rated driving; mooning people out the window is a great way to attract attention to yourself as a male stripper

You always have the right of way; that damn old man can get the fuck out of the road!

Zig-zagging between cars going as fast as possible is the safest route to your destination

Most importantly always remember, be an asshole!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Topics: asshole, Driving
More by this writer
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Go to top
107 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more