Written by PP Rega

Thursday, 17 April 2008

image for O. Not O. Henry!

Note to reader: The object of this very short story is to explore the nuances of one particular vowel. This can only be accomplished if both author and reader share in the collaboration. However, to enter into this compact is an endeavor that is not to be taken lightly.

The contract requires the reader to read the story aloud; not in a manner reserved for alcoholics and village idiots, but such as to summon up the ghosts of Richard Burton and Meg Ryan.

Therefore, dear reader, speak forth: first, upon the commode should it please you and then throughout the house. First alone, then amid Bacchian revelries with intimate comrades.

Apply the stentorian tones of the greatest of British actors to the first paragraph, while reserving the heightening erotic vocalizations of female Blues singers for the second. Begin tentatively, but with, hopefully, ever-growing confidence and enjoyment, giving full range to your voice with all of its inflections.

There is no one way to act out this very short tale. Nothing is wrong and anything is correct as long as the unabashed humor in the reader is unleashed.

Respectfully,
The author, PP Rega

Amidst the celestial constellations of great American artists exists an evanescent nebula whose magnitude and luminescence merit few peers. It is that of O. Henry, Master of the Short Story.

Issued forth on September 11, 1862, under the guise of William Sydney Porter, he, thence, assumed an existence that much belied his future greatness. As in all matters that begin seemingly trivial and then, on retrospect, portend future achievements, O. Henry's early life of tedium, trivialities, inconsequentialities, and disappointments instituted a depository of experiential grist that would ultimately kindle a glorious literary conflagration. However, mere kindling is of little import without ignition. For O. Henry's glimmer of flame to catch and to soar and to metamorphose from heat to inspiration and from inspiration to composition, it necessitated a Muse.

O. Henry's Polyhymnia descended from the slopes of Mount Olympus and acquired the human trappings of one, Athol Estes, whose youth, beauty, and virginal innocence gradually dissolved the carapace that the destined writer had erected against life's vicissitudes. One can, thus, easily speculate that O. Henry's literary illumination germinated that first night he and his nubile consort initiated an exploration of each other's promontories and crevices under muslin sheets kissed by fragrant zephyrs.


"……………………………………………..O.? ………………….?O.-o.? ……
…………?O.-o.?………………………O.? ……………………………………..O.? ….
…………………………..O.?! ……Ow!………………..o-o-o-o-h-h, ?O.-o.?…………
………………………………………………….o-o-o-o-o-h-h-h, ?O.-o.-o.? ……………
…………………………Oh, O.-o.-o.?…………………………Oh, O.-o.-o.-o. ………….
……………………..o-o-o-o-o-o-o-h-h-h-h……………………………………………….
………..o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-h-h-h-h-h-h……………………………………O.! ...........
………O.! …………………………………………………….O.! ……………….......
…………………………………….Oh, O.! .......................................Oh,..O.-o.-o. …….
……………………..O.? …………………………………………..O.? ………………
…Oh……………..Oh……………..Oh…………………..Oh-h-h-………………O. Oh..
………O.?.........O.?...................Oh, O. ………………..Oh-h-h-h-h-h………………….
Oh-h-h-h-h-h-h-……..o-o-o-ooh………….Oh-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-…………o-o-o-oh-h-h-h-..
Oh-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h……………………O.?.......O.? ………….?O.-o.-o.-?………….
………o-o-o-h-h-h……………..Oh…………O.-o.-o.-o.- ………………………………
Oh…………….Oh………….Oh…………Oh……….Oh…….Oh……
Oh….Oh………………………..Oh..Oh…
Oh.. Oh…Oh……….Oh
………………….Oh, O. ..... Oh-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h…………………………………….
………………………………………………………………..
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
……………………………………………………………………..
……..O.?.........................O.? ……………………………………….?O.-o.??"


"No!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Topics: explore
More by this writer
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story



Go to top
31 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more