Written by Zander Kaufman

Sunday, 16 May 2004

image for Hard days night at the Diploma Mill (Kaufman’s 30 second guide to living)

When I heard that the General accounting office published a report this week stating that many government employees received diplomas from non-accredited schools who issue degrees based on “life experience” I thought wow what in the hell am I doing here sitting around like a slob when I could at lest sit around like a slob with a Ph.D. in proctology.

Now take in mind there is no doctorate for Proctology. I would have to settle for a Ph.D. in general Medicine. Then and only then could I call myself a true proctologist. An out of work doctor but hey it would give me a good excuse for not getting up and moving around. Right?

The sad news came when I read that the going base price for a Ph.D. in Medicine is $5,000. Ouch my spirit was broken over the news. But when I thought about it, what are all these diploma mills other then a P.O. Box and some small shop on an industrial road in Idaho that no one ever heard of?

And from that moment on the International school or Misfortune and Lost dreams was born. Then I simply printed out a Doctors degree in Medicine, field of proctology.

Ah yes, it does look great on my wall. The whole process only took five minuets. Now maybe I can get a government job somewhere, I always thought Attorney General would sound good on a resume.
Doctor Zander Kaufman (self honorary) has I nice ring to it.

This has been your weekly instalment of “Kaufman’s 30 second guide to living”…. Tune in next week to find out how I turned naval lent into gold bullion.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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