Written by Deanna Goodson

Wednesday, 12 May 2004

Who says TV executives don't have a handle on the pulse of America? Certainly not this reporter. I wouldn't dare say anything negative about TV executives. They are like Big Brother watching us with the Nielsen ratings. I like me some TV executives.

Speaking of Big Brother. Nah, just kidding. I wouldn't dare give that show a minute of my valuable reality-TV show watching time.

I think it's time the reality genre gets real.

--Who the heck forages for food and clothing on a deserted island?
--Does Paula Abdul's opinion really count for anything?
--Do women really throw themselves shamelessly at single men in the hopes that 'he'll give me a rose'?
--Are celebrities' lives real?

Reality TV should not be called Reality TV. It should be called: Real or Pseudo-Real people doing un-realistic things and behaving like a**holes to win prizes and garner a few minutes less than Andy Warhol's prophetic 15 minutes.

It's really sad when sitcoms show life more realistically.
Of course, I don't think anyone will watch real reality TV like:

  • PTA Mom: Life at a Bake Sale
  • Soccer Dads: If we don't make it to the playoffs, my life is like so over
  • Techno-geek Surf The Internet Party
  • People watching tv and eating lots of junk food
  • Boy Scouts: Adventures in Camping, Walking Old Ladies Across the Street and Earning Badges
  • Who wants to get promoted to the 5th grade?
  • Who's Gonna Get Laid-off Today!
  • Do you want fries with that? It sure ain't the Apprentice...
  • Real Married People arguing over the toilet seat being left up, raising their kids and struggling to pay their bills
  • Extreme Homelessness

I realize that none of these shows would garner much of an audience. Unfortunately, that's real life and the reason why we watch TV....to escape it.

Let's call Reality TV what it really is instead, a sexy, punched-up version of a life you think you may want but wouldn't have a chance in hell of getting.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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