True it is, dear supporter, I, E.T. McCrone hasn't won even one delegate in either party in my run for first Prezminister of the USUK. This may have somethin to do with the fact that me name hasn't been on any ballot in either party or on any side of the Atlantic, this month or no other. But loyal supporter, you dasn't let that mere trifle dishearten ye. I, E.T. McCrone still believes that my novel ideas will catch on on both sides of the lake. Remember the tube from York to New York? That idea ain't dead, supporter. I will still pledge to wear a gas mask through my whole prezministry...dom to assure my subcitizens that fear is worth fearin.
And now that we have learnt that HPV is causin throat cancer in blokes, cough, cough, cough, whos's laughin now about my dental dam proposal, eh, boyo. Will I still, might die for your sins...dental damn right I might! And as for my April plea for your pounds and dollars, well, forget the worthless green backs but keep those shillings pouring in. it takes alot of money for a litevator operator from Liverpool by way of NYC and now operating in Tucson, AZ to mount the kind of international campaign you see here.
Ya may be wunderin why your candidate has been silent so long... Rumors of my long stay at the Betty Ford are greatly exaggerated. In fact as Prince Hal's Human Shield, your fat, fatty candidate has been a veritable Falstaff to Hal in no other place than Afghanistan. Do ya know, dear supporter, how hard it is to find a pub amid the Taliban? But fear not Hal and I did or share ov heavy liftin. And would still be at it, if it had not been for that Drudge and his blog.
Right now, my athletic supporter, it is you who must do the heavy liftin. Get out there and let's find one other stout-minded fella or gal who knows I, E.T. McCrone, am goooiinngg uuuuppp!