Written by Jacob Baker

Saturday, 16 February 2008

image for God advices Man on perfect woman to marry "Thank you lord"

God advises a Man living in New found land on how to marry the perfect woman.

The man said, "God has told me to marry a woman with dark hair and dark eyes so my children's eyes do not burn in the sun."

Apparently the man is correct because science is classifying women with blond hair and blue eyes as having a genetic illness. It's not a good idea for a blond with blue eyes to marry another blond with blue eyes because their children will have no natural sun screen inside of their eyes to protect them from UV radiation. This leaves them susceptible to blindness if they stay in the sun too long.

The man says that God told him to marry a woman with wide hips so she can have an easier time birthing him children.

God further told the man to marry women from the Mediterranean because they are the children of ancient Spartan soldiers who were honed by evolution through the use of war. The weak ones died in the battle field while the strong remained to breed a new generation of sturdy people. Ancient wars were fought with short swords and only the most intelligent with the most endurance was able to survive hours of brutal fighting with no water or food in the dry blazing sun. These ancient soldiers marched across continents to engage the enemy in battle like Alexander and his soldier, some who died from illness along the way.

People in the Mediterranean have heavy bones and excellent muscle tissue.

The Greeks posses great intelligence and are credited with the production of schools, science, arts, math, physics, medical doctors, architects and an assortment of inventions. Albert Einstein is also of Mediterranean decent.

"Don't marry petite women with skinny bones because thy children will be born small and unable to labor in this turbulent world" God said.

"Don't marry northern women because their immune systems are weak and those who have blond hair and blue eyes posses weak immune systems as DNA travels in clusters" God further said.

This also seems to hold true because pathogens breed well in the southern regions of this earth where people with weak immune systems parish leaving behind new and intriguing immunological systems.

A man that is 95 years old has the best immune system and has the best DNA structure. If his hair is dark with no wrinkles on his body then he has a better DNA structure. A 95 year old man in these conditions would produce healthy children with extended lives. If the trend continues a human can live to the ripe old age of 2000 years old and still look like a teenager.

Based on God's advice and comparing it with scientific data the healthiest producers of children are located in the Mediterranean, and women from that region are the best breeding partners for a healthier brew.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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