Written by joeybabe25

Sunday, 13 January 2008

Let's face it. I don't have a lot going in my life, so later today when I install my new shower curtain, I will live on that accomplishment for a week. Some people are multi-taskers. They can juggle a bunch of stuff into a day's life and still get the kids home from soccer practice, fry up a decent dinner for the husband, and then sexulate him once the kids are asleep (I hope to God. Please...Let's keep America beautiful).

If I can plan to do one thing, I consider that a successful day. When I do the laundry, for example, I consider that the equivalent of writing a book. Other than going to work this morning to deliver my paper route (I deliver them to hotels, one at a time to the doors of the guests...No naked ladies trying to get ice under cover of ice bucket yet, but I will keep you updated) I cleared the decks today to make time to put up the shower curtain. Not that the decks were super full, but I did want to check the mail and watch tv, and I'll probably find the time to do them, but as God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again. And I'll put that thing up today.

My old shower curtain has one good ring left to it, and thus when I shower there is a tendency to get some water on the floor. It is not my fault, and my white landlord can claim otherwise, but I stand on my rights that as long as the shower curtain is tethered in some way to the pole that it resides on, I'm in the clear.

But I wanted a new shower curtain anyhow, so I went to the dollar store, which has so many fine goods for just a dollar. I buy all of my pastes, creams, pufferies, male solutions and other items there that I felt certain that they would have some kind of shower curtain, even if it was made in Iraq. As is the norm when I go to the dollar store to buy a thing, I end up with several necessities to go along with my original purchase. So on this trip I went wild (I had a ten dollar bill!) and bought some shaving cream, ice cream sandwich (deluxe!) a finger nail clipper, a bag of Cheetos, an Ozzie And Harriet DVD, and a nice sized tube of tooth paste. I admit, I went wild! But how often does one have ten dollars, right there in the dollar store? I could have bought TEN things!

Then I remembered why I was there. I asked one of the pathos who work there (nice ones, but I'd say recently released or on work release) about my shower curtain. She said that the truck from Formosa was late that month and they were out of stock. Now I know you cannot drive here from Formosa, so I looked aside, and in soto voce I called her a liar. My lips were on the side at this time, so she did not see my utter contempt for her. I left there with all my other good stuff very upset that I may have to pay full price for a shower curtain. I went to another store nearby that doesn't care what they charge for their goods, and saw a nice one with dolphins on it, for ten dollars. That was much more than I intended to pay, but if I didn't make a decision then and there, I would miss "Leave It To Beaver". And this I never do.

I cursed the checkout girl in a similar fashion to the dollar store cursing earlier, and took my shower curtain home. I also bought a new bath mat, and some towels. I think I should have done that in the dollar store. I have my curtain. Updates as they happen (after I put it up, I will test it to make sure it holds the water in).

Joe Postove

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Topics: Kids, Shower
More by this writer
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Go to top
71 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more