Written by Noshing Mink

Saturday, 15 December 2007

image for Noshing Mink's Lost World Part II A big scarey tree almost killed me.

In the last instalment, I was drafted into an expedition to the Amazon to look for dinosaurs. In this episode, I almost get eaten by a large plant but am rescued by a scantily clad blond women with big jugs.

The journey from London to the Amazon passed uneventfully so I won't mention it, except for an embarrassing moment when I accidentally entered the cabin of the Aussie bimbo with big jugs, who was sponsoring the expedition. One broken pot and a sore head later, I was back in my own cabin.

We ended up at the mouth of the Amazon with a hundred cannibals chasing us. All of our bearers were killed during the night by the savages who preferred to eat white meat because they were health conscious. Fortunately, Lord Roxton found a secret passage that led up a mountain and we escaped the dart-blowing tribesmen quite easily. As I looked down, I imagined I saw them pointing at the mountain and laughing.

The mountain top was an enormous plateau touching the clouds. There was a very frightening tree with tentacle-like branches grasping in every direction so I sat down next to it and had a nap. The next thing I knew was that those leafy vines were squeezing the hell out of me. Fortunately, a beautiful blond women with almost no clothes appeared out of nowhere, threw a knife at it, causing the tentacles to release me, picked me up effortlessly and carried me to safety.

When she let me down, I was gasping with excitement. "I'm sorry, I haven't any money", I said and she slapped me across the face.

"I'm Veronica", she said in perfect English. "You can all come and live with me in my tree-house. But I won't have sex with any of you. At least not until season 2."

Roxton seemed to have paired off with the Aussie bimbo. Challenger and Summerly were always arguing together. That left me and Veronica. Perhaps, I thought, the rest of my life wouldn't be quite so bad after all.

Assuming I made it to season 2.

Next episode here

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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