Written by Mr Dead

Sunday, 21 October 2007

image for Justice League: An Open Letter To The Hollywood Suits Wonder Woman?

Hollywood is ablaze with rumours and innuendo in relation to the big comic movie of 2009, possibly the biggest comic book movie, like, ever. Yes, I am talking about The Justice League movie.

Will it be called "Justice League"? Or "Justice League of America"? Or "JLA"? Current focus groups show that everyone except Americans and Tony Blair do not respond well to the word "America".

All fans know at this point is that famous, animal friendly director George "Mad Max: Beyond the Thunderdome" Miller is directing.

Currently the casting of the movie is causing controversy with Warner Bros. confirming that neither Brandon Routh, Tom Welling nor Christian Bale will be appearing in the movie, leaving fans thinking "Huh? What the..? Bale is Batman!"

But whilst fans are being all fanboyey... fanboyish... being fanboys, websites are reporting that casting for the movie is already underway. Names like Jessica Biel and Adam "The OC" Brody are currently being bandied about for leading roles, along with other actors from the realms of TV, films and rap. As such, The Justice League/Justice League of America/JLA movie is already building up frenzied interest, making it one of the biggest draws of 2009 in 2007.

So, as a fan of the comic book franchise, and with access to the internet, I am in the unique position of voicing my opinions about this movie directly to the Brothers Warner, safe in the knowledge that they have listened to my two penny's worth, or cents for the American audience, and will therefore cater their multi million costing, possibly billions earning, franchise for my specific needs.

So, here are my five suggestions for The Justice League/Justice League of America/JLA movie:-


C'mon, look at what Zemeckis is doing on Beowulf with Ray Winstone. Motion capture gives the makers of this flick the chance for the dream cast. Yes, motion capture allows for Denzel to play all the characters. Tell me that no-one has ever thought Denzel for Wonder Woman. This is why you failed Silver!


Okay, okay, this does go against the last suggestion. But, heck, George Miller is directing, man. He directed Mad Max 2, or Mad Max 2: The Remake of Mad Max to give it its full title. Dude knows Vernon Wells, the greatest screen villain of the 1980's. Wells even terrorised in "Weird Science", the John Hughes rite to passage movie which, as history will confirm, created the internet. Who better is there to terrorise The Justice League/Justice League of America/JLA? I would pay thrice to hear "I'm going to gut you J'onn" uttered.


Who cares about the general cinema going audience? I read the comic books month in month out. Yes, I am one of the what? 100,000 people who reads the comic religiously. Therefore Hollywood, I demand you pander to my wants and needs with this film.

I want cats in camp looking lycra costumes, and dames in ludicrously sexy outfits. I want the movie to acknowledge moments that happened in Superman (Vol. 1) issue 456, Detective Comics 234, Wonder Woman (Vol. 2) issue 12. I want Flash to be called Barry Allen without his mask. I want Alex Ross to paint something that appears in the movie at some point, maybe the opening credits or something. I want this movie to be based on Justice League of America (Vol. 1) issue 122 to 125 dammit.


Whilst everyone expects action movie composer Hans Zimmer to provide the score to this movie, along with every other action movie ever to be released, the main question is who will provide that pivotal, chart topping song for the movie. Remember The Calling's Daredevil entry, or the ugly fella from Nickelback with the Spider-man song? You do? Result. That will be what this movie will need, a kick ass tune to get the audience in.

My thinking? Go the early 1990's Three Musketeers route. Whilst they had just had the three rock heavyweights in Adams, Stewart and Sting, The Justice League/Justice League of America/JLA should go for seven to reflect the charter number of the League. And who do I think, nay require, to be this actual super group of singers, well:

Peter Cetera; Tina Turner; Phil Collins; Eminem; Ozzy Osbourne; Billy Cyrus and Prince.


Over the years there have been a numerous amount of members in The Justice League/Justice League of America/JLA. Anyone remember Vibe? And people call Aquaman lame? Seriously.

Kids will expect the line up from the cartoon, adults the line up from which ever the read the comic and feel connected to, others will want to see the line up from the unaired pilot (painted on masks? Schumacher, son, they would so have gone with bat-nipples) from the 1990's.

But, I am going to assume my motion capture suggestion is going to be ignored, and would like to present my line up, with casting choices, as:

Superman (Jim Caveziel); Batman (Chris O'Donnell); Wonder Woman (Angelina Jolie); Green Lantern/Kyle Rayner (Shia LaBeouf); Aquaman (Jude Law); J'onn J'onzz (Doug Jones, voiced by Peter Cullen); and Black Canary (Jessica Alba).

Yes Hal Jordan fans, Kyle Rayner rocks harder than your Clark Kent/Superman knock off.

So there you are Hollywood, that is what I expect from the 2009 The Justice League/Justice League of America/JLA movie.

Despite the fact I will pay to watch it at the cinema (probably at least twice), buy the tie in book/comic, buy the DVD, the CD and any other tie-in merchandise, you can rest assured Hollywood, I will be pissed off that my needs as the fan with internet access will not have been garnered too and shall spend the next year and a bit until the film is released voicing these concerns anonymously on any message board that will allow me to register and vent my unhappiness.

See you in 2009.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
More by this writer
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Go to top
43 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more