Written by walter

Tuesday, 16 October 2007

"Rolling and rolling in bed, I examined all possible approaches: some were degrading; some, very costly; some, criminal. One night, I jumped up in bed, remembering that Master Sergeant always had complained that men were abusing the dun mule! Joyfully, I said, 'That's it! Safe and economical. But how? The stable is always crowded with grooms and I, Pack Master.' This thought magically suppressed the urgent desire for intercourse, but the visualization of the outcome was so vivid that made me impatient.

"Next morning, after arriving at the post, I casually broached the dead topic of the dun mule to Master Sergeant. He gave me a suspicious look, while stressing the necessity of PR. Anyway, he uneasily added, 'Sir, you're not going to put and end to it, are you?' Hurriedly, I replied ' Oh, no.'

"Under the pretext of a routine inspection, I paid a visit to the stable. I had never seen it as I saw it that day. I saw a rectangular box with two gates on each long side. I now saw a long heavy flat latch, like truck leaf springs, when in place, barred the gate in a manner that only an armored vehicle could break it down. The windows on all sides of the structure required a long ladder to enable the viewer to peep in. Above all, it was semi-dark; therefore, my preliminary reconnaissance was encouraging. But how could I have it all to myself? It was logically unacceptable to kick the grooms out and latch up the gates; they would somehow suspect something sinister.

"After hours of thinking, I came up with a plan: to ask Master Sergeant to call all men for an emergency roll call, including men in charge of mules. I anticipated that he would mention the risk of leaving the mules unattended. Then, I would rationalize that it wouldn't take Master Sergeant long, just around 15 minutes, to count the heads. I assumed he would suspect a foul play, but relied on his common sense that, I, as head of Pack Mule Unit, would not do anything stupid!

"Next day, Master Sergeant asked the bugler to sound the familiar tone of 'All personnel report immediately!', while I decided to remain in the stable and make sure that all personnel left the premise in the time. When all men left, I hurriedly latched up the exit gates, and double checked all other gates to make sure they were firmly latched.

"My heart was beating hard. The much-sought after anticipation sent shots of adrenaline into my blood stream. Now, I had to locate the tethered dun mule! A quick tour, to my chagrin, revealed that out of 100 mules, there were about 10 dun mules in the stable. Dammit!

"Now, I used my common sense and thought that the very submissive dun mule would send some signals such as raising the tail when one touches the private part. I was racing against time. Finally, I found the right mule. Having approached the back of the mule, I discovered that I could not reach the right spot. Frustrated, I looked for a solution. Now, I remembered that two months ago I had signed a requisition for some stools. Stumbling several times, I rushed to the stable barn and fetched one. I placed it right behind my dun mule. Hurriedly, I prepared to carry on, when I heard a warning voice: 'Sir, you have chosen the wrong mule; it's the next one to your right!"


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Criminal, Magic
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