Written by Dignan

Tuesday, 14 August 2007


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Sex on the Beach? A Blow Job? A Buttery Nipple? An Orgasm?

Forget those same ol' shooters, our mixologists are shaking up fresh quaffs just in time to kick of your summer of saucin'. Try one of these great shots tonite!

Lucky Nutsack

2 oz. Bailey's Irish Crème
2 oz. Frangelico
2 oz. Dry Sack Sherry
Chill and strain into rocks glass
Deny homosexual urges

Plumber's Crack

16 oz. Milwaukee's Best Lite
2 Squirts GoJo Orange Handcleaner
Strain through mesh-back hat
Mist with WD-40
Sniff retained fecal matter trapped under fingernails
Lament dropping out of high school

Happy Day Laborer

1 bottle premium tequila
1 roll sod
3 chlorine pool pellets
Splash of lukewarm gardenhose water
Shake with landscape rocks
Serve under punishing mid-day sun
Use to sublimate guilt for perpetuating ever-widening income gap

Kitty D

1 bottle rubbing alcohol
Swig as needed or until optic nerve swells causing blindness

Grandpa's Backwash

3 oz. Lavoris mouthwash
1 jigger Old Spice aftershave
Dust with Gold Bond Medicated Powder
Add twist of Brylcreme
Garnish with Pollident tablet
Scratch knees incessantly and complain about inferiority of contemporary ideas/morals/products/entertainment ad nauseum

What's the Hasslehoff

1 chilled bottle Jagermeister
1 chilled bottle Grecian Formula
Blend, alternately sipping and rubbing on scalp
Wallow in abject mediocrity

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Beach, orgasm
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