Written by RSVP

Wednesday, 18 July 2007

13 July 2007
Mark Thompson - Director-General
British Broadcasting Corporation
Portland House

Dear Sir

I wrote to you on 4 March 2008 regarding your pitiful attempts at prime time broadcasting. I refer, of course, to the sickening Celebrity Fame Academy. Did a bunch of GCSE-level dropouts produce the show or were your executives just a big giddy? The amount of hallucinogenics one can buy on your executive's inflated salaries makes the mind boggle.

True to form I never received a reply. What is it with the big wigs of today's world when they do not even have the courtesy to reply to the proletariat's correspondence? Bear in mind, Sir, that we pay your salary.

You managed to save face for a while with a single episode of Sir David Attenborough's Saving Planet Earth, and then it all went to pot (excuse the pun) again when I had to listen to B-grade celebrities bleat on, teary-eyed, about the fate of crocodiles in Australia and lions in India. I am pleased I have not paid my TV license in years as that's one less tax in your back pocket.

Once again your most senior of executives have managed to fall foul. This time with the highest office in the land. I do not mean Gordon Brown's poncy residence, but rather HRH's Buckingham Palace.

How dare you put words into the Queen's mouth? She has been a surrogate mother to us while we've had to deal with weak father-figures such as John Major and irrepressible bullies like Tony Blair. I remind you that she became leader of this land at about the time you were discovering the delicacies of girls and horrors of acne. And any thoughts that the Queen, at her age, storms anywhere, is ridiculous, bordering on the absurd.

This has not the first time you have caused upset in the Royal household. May I remind you that in 2000 you flatly refused to broadcast the Queen Mother's 100th birthday. Where exactly does that TV license fee go?

Without doubt that will be the last time BBC gets further than the gates of Buckingham Palace and it is all thanks to you. Next time we see the Royals it will be some sort of diabolical show bumbled up by ITV, or even worse, Channel 4.

Either scrap the TV license or pull yourselves together. Or even better, resign and get Sir David to run the circus there. He's wealthy enough not to line his own pockets and seems the only man on this planet we can trust.

God save the Queen.

Yours truly

RSV Peters

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
More by this writer
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Related Stories...

Go to top
87 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more