Written by Ken Adrian

Thursday, 12 February 2004

image for Are We a Nation of Nationalists? United as "americans", eh?


It's been said that the best way to ensure war is to nationalize people under separate flags. Are we a Nation of Nationalists?

In a World gone nipple-crazy, with people volunteering over the Internet to be eaten, while Hollywood moguls spar for the film options - does it matter?

Just was is a mogul anyways?

I always thought a mogul was a small bump on a skill hill. Are there are lot of Hollywood producer types lying on ski hills?

Is Andy Rooney really a man?

Where was I? Oh yes, "nationalism". What's it all about?

Let's de-con-struct the word and find out:

  • nati: meaning native (now called American Indians)
  • on: meaning "on" (that's pretty self-explanatory)
  • ali: refers to the heavyweight boxing legend
  • sm: of unknown origin

Put that all together and you get:

Nationalism = An American Indian on a heavyweight boxer of unknown origin.

Well, maybe that's a good thing. I mean they did have their lands stolen from them... so maybe they need to beat up on a few prize-fighters to reclaim things.

Okay, maybe not.

In Canada, the equivalent, politically correct term for "American Indians" is "First Nations".

'Cause they were here FIRST, eh?

But do we really need to be so National about it? Our major news broadcast is called "The National". I think that's taking things just a little too far... Isn't it sort of the C.B.C.'s way of thumbing its nose at American news?

In the States, the word "American" is used to set citizens of the U.S.A. apart - as a NATION. That's kind of strange in a way. When you consider that all of the countries in America are really "american" how come the Yanks are the only ones claiming the title?

Maybe it's that Andy Rooney character.

Actually, we really like him... and Conan O'Brien too. So please don't bomb us or anything - okay?

We'll give you back Conan when he's done shooting up here... and skiing our moguls.

We promise.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Canada
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