Written by Mark

Tuesday, 27 November 2018

image for NASA successfully lands its latest package on Mars

Having slingshot its way through the solar system, the package sent from Earth finally reached its destination - the planet Mars.

A Martian search-party approached the package, and inspected its contents, finding bright red cylinders marked with the symbols Coca-Cola inside. They then carefully transported the box back to their base.

Back in their underground city, one brave Martian scientist, holding a shimmering object, pulled feverishly on the ring at one end and cracked the seal.

Pouring forth the brown liquid, he took a sip, and tasted the feeling.

It was a feeling he had never tasted before.

And it was a feeling that tasted good.

But it was a feeling that would not last long.

To celebrate the manna from heaven which rained down on their barren world, the Martians had a party, sharing the delicious liquid amongst their number.

Awaking the next sol, still feeling a buzz from the feeling they had all tasted, they now had a new feeling in their mouth.


And this feeling tasted bad.

And this feeling hurt.

A lot.

Evolved on a planet devoid of plant-life, the Martians are inexperienced with the complex sugars we humans quaff and scoff on a daily basis. The enamel on Martian teeth is barely one tenth the thickness of a human's, as they do not have to battle against the daily onslaught of the nasties we love to eat. (Thank God Martians don't have Mars bars, although, they'd probably call them Earth bars, right?)

This pain struck deep in the Martian society. A feeling of humiliation and anger swept through the ruling Martian elite and they demanded a solution to seek recompense from the evil agents which had attacked them in such a cruel manner.

It didn't take long to reverse the trajectory of the package and discover the origin was Earth. Top Martian diplomats, through their secret envoy established in 1947 (Roswell, shush!) demanded restitution for having been the victims of such a vile and immoral trick.

Earth atoned for their misstep. This drink, so beloved by people on Earth who all tasted the feeling, was meant only as a friendly tribute, and nothing nefarious.

As a solution to the problem, Earth scientists constructed a remote dentistry package, which was surreptitiously stowed on board the InSight robotic lander.

Cleverly concealed in plain view, given the official name of IDA or Instrument Deployment Arm, this central tool on the lander actually stands for Intergalactic Dental Appliance and will service all of the Martians affected by the fizzy drink debacle.

Meanwhile, the cover-up continues.

Shush!

With thanks to Jaggedone for the idea.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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