Written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw

Saturday, 13 October 2018

image for Biofuels Research in Canada It only looks blurry if you've been sniffing the exhaust!

In a recent press conference, Canadian Pry Minister Justin Truedough briefly summarized efforts made by his country's scientists to mitigate greenhouse gas emissions:

"We tried producing corn alcohol, but our Newfies drank up all of it before it could be added to our gasoline. Undeterred, our scientists turned to another crop which is being grown in massive quantities in our country."

"Given the looming advent of legalized cannabis in our great nation," he continued, "it is pathetically predictable that private sector growers have ramped up a production capacity far greater than what thirty million stoners could ever hope to smoke away. Some growers, hoping to stave off a share price collapse, have been aggressively pursuing alternative uses for this plant."

"At first", interjected Luba Slick, chief engineer at Great White North Slippery Liquids, "we tried mixing cannabis oil with gasoline and burning it in two stroke engines. While the anti-wear properties of this mixture were outstanding, the collateral damage wrought by landscape laborers buzzed by the smoke and running around with chainsaws was truly dreadful."

"But then", she continued, "my colleagues at Inferno Fuels came up with a formula for diesel fuel that included 10% cannabis oil. It seems that the noise generated by diesel engines is much less annoying to the general public when the exhaust gases contain 0.2% or higher THC. The only drawback seems to be that emergency rooms are seeing increased numbers of teenagers who have burned their lips from sucking on truck exhaust pipes!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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