Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 12 September 2018

image for Obituary: Clothes Rail Nothing lasts forever

Clothes Rail (2008-2018).

A clothes rail owned by spoof writer and general layabout, Moys Kenwood, has passed away, aged 10, as far as the owner can discern.

The rail came into the possession of Kenwood in Bangkok, when he stole it from his old condo when moving to his new condo in 2011. He had been told by the owner of the old condo, that everything in it had been bought "as new" when he, the owner, had furnished it in 2008.

The rail was a 'double rail', being of a steel and plastic construction, and stood on plastic casters which enabled easy movement. It consisted of four vertical steel poles covered in high-quality plastic. The two horizontal rails ran between the vertical poles, and their heights could be adjusted as the poles were of a periscopic design.

During 2014, cracks were detected in the locking fittings which secured the poles, but, Kenwood having decided that it was still functional, the clothes rail was not scrapped as it might have been, and continued to provide good, reliable service.

When Kenwood relocated to Cambodia in 2016, the clothes rail went with him, but was then pressed into service as a rail on which to hang washing out during the drying process. This brought it into a harsher environment where it came into regular and prolonged contact with adverse weather conditions, which, it's thought, may well have affected its by-now fragile structure.

Mr. Kenwood returned from his recent brief visit to England on Tuesday to find the trusty clothes rail "in a heap" and "near death" on the floor outside the front of his house. The end was not far away, and he quickly put it out of its misery by smashing it to pieces with a large piece of timber that he found on the ground nearby.

In a short tribute to the clothes rail, Kenwood spoke of the long, reliable and excellent service the clothes rail had provided. He said it would be "fondly remembered".

The clothes rail had no family, but leaves lots of washing with no place to dry.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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