Dear Spoof Editor:
Your Spoof News recently reported that a cop in Georgia, involved in a questionable shooting, had been sent home, placed on "paid administrative leave." That was a day or two after a teacher in California, accused of inappropriate conduct toward female students, was also sent home on "paid administrative leave." Full pay for watching TV or playing golf! Hey, Mr. Prinn, - he's my boss - put me on "paid administrative leave"... please!
Seems to happen regularly, regardless of the kind of employment. A TV exec accused of groping is suspended, with full pay of course; a comedian whose joke was too far off-color, a bus driver who skipped a stop because he was running late - they all were sent home, with pay, to await a final decision. Why not me?
I won't confess, Mr. Prinn, but I'll bet that if you looked hard enough you'd find that I may have confiscated a few paper clips for personal use from the company store room. Don't you wonder what's happened to all those ball point pens you bought last year? You might even find that I'm typing personal stuff on the firm's computer.
Suspend me, PLEASE, Mr, Prinn. Make me suffer by putting me on "paid administrative leave." Order me to stay at home until you get to the bottom of this. But don't be in a hurry to wind-up the investigation. Drag it out, a long time, a really long time.
I'm pretty sure that, in the end, I'll be exonerated. And you can bet I'll return to work refreshed and rarin' to go after a long, long, long "paid administrative leave."