Well that was the weekend that was! England showing the world how to thrash a bunch of no-hopers and Germany getting their Bratwurst nearly burnt until a certain Herr Kross poked Sweden in the eye and, Herr Low nearly lost his wig!
Never mind about all that BS at the fake World Cup, The Nutters Beach Club has been chosen by a bunch of corrupt doggy lovers to hold the beauty contest to end all beauty pageants; The Ugly Bitch World Cup!
In LA, ugly doggies are being pedicured to participate in the Ugliest Dog on the Planet contest. So, a bunch of corrupt, mafia run directors of their competitors asked us to line up Ugly Bitches for the real world cup on our stage and, Volga Olga, will be presenting the Bitches, naked (that's just Volga Olga).
Poetic Pissed Pirate, Sir Frances Charlton, his deaf dumb and blind parrot called Erskine, barmy barman, Don Loren Hughes, and Jaggedone, will judge the contest.
Ugly Bitches from all over the planet have been flown in and the contest will take place this evening. We are hoping to fly in England's Ugliest ever captain, Harry Kane, to present the prestigious cup because his WAG aint pretty either!
So ladies and gentleman we will announce the winner tomorrow because England V Belgium is a dodo anyway and this contest is much more exciting!
Adios Amigos / Amigas locos / locas!!
PS: The Prodigy will be performing a live version of their cult hit: 'Smack my bitch up', literally! And they aint pretty either!