Written by Jaggedone

Wednesday, 30 May 2018

Dia cinco at the Nutters Beach Club and just kicked several beach bums off the terrace, damn gatecrasher's, do anything for a Pina Colada or 10!

So that's got rid of that rubbish, now to tell you all about last nights entertainment:

Sir Francis (Charlton) was back propping up the bar with help from his deaf, dumb and blind parrot and brought the house down with this little gem:

No Walrus just Walnuts because Jaggedone can't afford a lawsuit against Lennon & McCartney, but just hum along to the Walrus and you'll get there:

Torture me, oh torture me
And we’ll torture you all together
See how they cry
Like frogs in the sky, I’m screaming

I am the walnut
You are the fish man
I am the walnut

Semolina puddings, tapioca baked tarts swinging
Flying like frogs in the sky with diamonds
Licking jammy dodgers and
Turning English even madder

Dirty little Jessabelle
You whipped your knickers down

I am the walnut
You are the fish man
I am the walnut

Sitting in an ol Dutchies' garden
Full of weed and English roses
I saw the light man; you gave me a light man
Now I’m a crazy little wheeler dealer

I am the walnut
You are the fishman
I am the walnut

Picture this oh picture these
Arse-holes in the Albert Hall grow larger
Sitting on a bus upstairs
Spaced out like a kite and flying, I’m crazy

I am the walnut
You are the fishman
I am the walnut,
Ooh, boo be doo
Ooh, boo be doo
oompah, oompah
Stick it up your Khyber, your End

The End of Diamond Lucy too!

BURP!

Thank you Sir Francis for that grand rendition of Jaggedone's favorite Sea Shanty.

WAN-KIN-DIK, our chief Chinese chef, served up bamboo shoots laced with lice and, punters hoping for a dogs dinner, rushed for the exit!

I sacked him, but then allowed him to return to the kitchen if he promised to carry me up Salisbury Hill, whistling to Kate Bush, ten times on his one wheeled, broken rickshaw, that'll teach him DIK head!

So see you all tomorrow as we continue our summer season at you know where!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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