Written by Jaggedone

Sunday, 27 May 2018

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VIP Updates:

YES! We had a resounding, successful opening last night, BURP!

WAN-KIN-DIK's®️ Dog Roast (Veggie version) was 'woofed' down and, now he has promised clients a 1001 Dalmatian soup version (vegan style) to keep our punters warm, cure their hangovers, and stop diarrhea all season! Yes, we are barking mad too!

However, Volga Olga's left boob was swinging so much, a la Edgar Allan Poe, it smashed into one of our VIP's, Ronaldo actually, whilst he was sniffing a line or two because he didn't score last night and that Welsh git hit 2. Luckily, his poofy hairstyle was not damaged so he left the place legless!

Sadly, during festivities, we received a nasty message from Jaggedone's Holiday HQ in Spain. It seems he and the missus are being invaded by hordes of Spanish flies biting their bums!

Jaggedone (alias U know who) has ordered his CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) special force, CAS, led by General Rambo Nuke-TheBastards, down to Spain to exterminate the critters. The ant invasion was taken care of by a chemical attack of ammoniak, and good riddance to the little bastards!

Jaggedone's CIA, CAS troops, will be landing tonight via the sewers and will rid JO's holiday HQ of all flies in the morning hours even if it means a chemical attack of Saddam proportions!

So, back to festivities, and we will report back tomorrow after getting pissed out of our tiny brains...BURP!

Nuke the BASTARDS!


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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