Written by Jaggedone

Sunday, 27 May 2018

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Summer season GRAND OPENING!

After a long hard winter the NUTTERS BEACH CLUB is now open for business once again and, here are some updates and renewals for you all to chew upon:

My Chinese chief chef, WAN-KIN-DIK, has been back to China to learn some new recipes for the superb 5 star cuisine restaurant and the highlight this year is "Roasted dog, veggie version, with 'blown lice' (My Cantonese gets better by the year).

Volga Olga, resident 86 year-old nympho and dancer, has been back to the Ukraine for a 'boob job' and now her elastic, dried out boobs stretch beyond her knees and bounce off her ankles (oh the wonders of plastic surgery!)

A brand new resident boozer, who would prop up any bar on the planet, Sir Francis (no, not him, we love ducks too) Charlton, has booted out Hemingway and now resides at the end of the bar perched on a ripped, leather, plastic look alike chair next to the slot machine alongside a full size effigy of Lemmy, bless his soul!

Sir Francis, with a deaf, dumb, and blind parrot, as accompaniment, will be telling pirate eulogies filled with rape, debauchery and, infamous piss-artists (of which he is undoubtedly one), every evening before Volga Olga swings her new-designer boobs in ecstasy to baying crowds begging for more.

So ladies and gentlemen, piss-artists and VIP's, get ready to rumble, THE NUTTERS BEACH CLUB, is open for business!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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