Written by Backandtotheleft

Sunday, 20 May 2018

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Surprisingly we at back and to the left news weren’t invited to the latest Royal Wedding and we’re guessing neither were you.

Despite the fact that we helped pay for it. But we’re not bitter. We’re not anything really after we took our medication this morning. We’re beginning to think we took too much or the Dr got our doses wrong, we guess we’ll find out.

So in the spirit of the Royal wedding we decided to pile all the other articles on the event into one “Super Royal Wedding Article” for your consuming pleasure.

Who Wore What?

Obviously one of the most exciting things about any strangers wedding is what the random attendees were wearing! We picked out some of the best:

The Queen- Who gives a shit?

Prince Harry- Who gives a shit?

Prince William- Who gives a shit?

Megan (whatever the shit her second name is)- Who gives a shit?

Who Ate What?

Everyone needs to know what grub was shoved down peoples gullets at a weird rich persons party. Especially if you haven’t been able to afford a hot meal all week!

Amal Clooney- Who gives a shit?

Doria Ragland- Who gives a shit?

Abigail Spencer- Who gives a shit?

Who Danced With Who?

As we write each word in this article we can feel the skin blistering on fingertips and each syllable seems to slough away a piece of our soul.

Victoria Beckham- Who gives a shit?

James Cordon- Who gives a shit?

Carey Mulligan- Who gives a shit?

Who Fucked Who?

Trick question. The entire Royal Family are fucking us all and we fucking smile about it like a weird sycophantic cult. This wedding cost you. This wedding affected you. The money poured into this fucking weird display of perverse Royal love could easily have been used to improve the shitty state this country has got itself in.

Also if you’re reading this and you were one of those people who went down to watch the Royal wedding and dressed up in all Union Jack clothes. You need to be on a fucking watch list. People like you are the reason why this country is such a nationalistic mess of shite.

Shame on you

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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