Written by Matt Birkenhauer

Friday, 4 May 2018

Donald Trump was a preacher’s son
And when his wife was givin’ birth
And her family gathered round for support
That’s when Donald Trump would start to cheatin’
That’s when Donald Trump would start to hittin’
On any porn star he’d see walkin’
Then he’d look into the camera’s eyes
Lord, to all our surprise,
He’d deny it all.

The only one who could reach Evangelicals
Was a porn star horndoggin’ man
The only one who could ever teach ‘em
Was a porn star horndoggin’ man
Yes, he was, he was,
Ooooh, yes he was.

Being honest isn't always easy
No matter how hard he tries.
When he started sweet-talkin' Stormy
He'd come and tell her everything is all right
That he and Cohen would make it right
(Though Cohen might squeal in spite.)

The only one who could reach Evangelicals
Was a porn star horndoggin’ man
The only one who could ever teach ‘em
Was a porn star horndoggin’ man
Yes, he was, he was,
Ooooh, yes he was.

How well Trump remembers
The look in Putin’s eyes
Stealin' kisses from him on the sly
Takin' time to make time
While Putin whispered “Now you’re all mine!”
Learnin' from each other's knowin'
Lookin' to see how much they’ve grown . . . .

Oh, the only one who could reach Evangelicals
Was a porn star horndoggin’ man
The only one who could ever teach ‘em
Was a porn star horndoggin’ man
Yes, he was, he was,
Ooooh, yes he was.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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