Written by Steven W. Rouach

Monday, 13 February 2017

Part I: Let's all be made aware of Robin Rhodes.

Robin Rhodes, of Worcester, is accused of attacking a Muslim airline employee at New York's JFK International Airport, allegedly kicking and shouting obscenities at the woman and telling her that President Donald Trump "will get rid of all of you,".

(For clarity and journalistic integrity , I will say that this account starts as completely 100% factual, and soon, quickly digresses into what probably happened, due to my having lost the page I was reading, and not wanting to do more work.)

At the time of his arrest, Rhodes allegedly told police, "I guess I am going to jail for disorderly conduct. I couldn't tell if it was a man or woman, because my eyes are attached to my brain and my brain is broken, purple horsey gunfire rocket ship"

According to reports he was apparently upset that his name, Robin Rhodes, would've been an awesome name if he was in a hair-metal band in the 80's, but was born too late for it to ever come to fruition.

Why he blamed a random Muslim woman for this occurrence is unknown, but some speculate he possibly believed she might have been responsible for Seattles' Alternative Grunge Sound, of the early 90's. (Which in turn caused an end to the "Hair Metal" genre.)

Once released on bail he went on to angrily shake his fist at an overhead cloud and started screaming obscenities, interspersed with the phrase "God wears shrouds not clouds'.. an apparent reference to the Shroud of Turin.

He then got into a violent argument with a newborn litter of kittens screaming "STUPID CATS Donald Trump Will Eat you all whole..you'll see.."

He then wandered into a barbershop and threatened a quartet that was singing a capella, screaming "Donald Trump will kill you all and stop your lovely dulcet tones."

Rhodes was charged with assault, unlawful imprisonment, menacing and harassment as hate crimes. It was not immediately clear if he has an attorney, one who's morality doesn't supersede his or her belief in a right to a fair trial.

Reported by Steven W. Rouach

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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