Wall Street (SAPP) - Hackers from Bavaria have claimed responsibility for toppling a wall full of beer bottles. This follows a long string of mishaps regarding wall security tactics and countermeasures. This most recent security breach is by far the worst.
"There were originally about 103 bottles of beer on the wall," says Bud Visor, chief of wall security. "I will be checking into the log files to see how this breach occurred. Preliminary estimates suggest that the hackers first took down about 60 bottles of beer, one by one, hoping that no one would notice. We discovered the breach early Saturday morning at about 3:30 am while most people were sleeping."
The hack has caused a firestorm on Twitter and Facebook about the situation.
"Why all dese botles of beer on the wall?" asks FratBroDrinker99, a Twitter user. His question is one of many that can't figure out the situation.
"How mane bottles of beer do you need on a wall?" says another.
"Hey, who is passing bottles of beer around? Pass one down, all around … to me!!" exclaims a Facebook post that has been liked 99 times and counting.
We asked the company responsible for the wall, the Long Neck Corp. and parent company of the Lac du Cours beer. "We always put bottles of beer on the wall. It has been our policy for at least 99 years," says spokesman Tip Oveur. "This is the first case in which bottles of beer were taken down, passed around, and hacked in this manner."
Insider sources reveal that Long Neck's Oveur is not telling us the whole truth. We spoke with a Samuel A. on the condition we not reveal his full last name. "This deal with bottles of beer on the wall is getting really old. I have told management countless times about the danger it poses. If just one of those beers should happen to fall, there is going to be one less beer on the wall. Not to mention the danger to the employees."
Others inside the company are singing the same tune. "I am tired of bottles of beer on the wall. I hope this hack changes things around here. Maybe once there are no more bottles of beer on the wall, then that will be the end," says our source who goes by the name Laverne. Laverne tells us that she works in the bottle factory near the wall. She heard that Bavarian hackers were caught lurking near the wall, one of which still had gloves on. She feels that the wall should never have been built.
Laverne is, however, pessimistic that this will change anything at Long Neck. "What I'm afraid of, is that someone will just go out to the store and buy some more bottles of beer. And the whole thing will start again. It's time to remove this wall before it leads to something worse."
When we asked Tip Oveur about these allegations, he demurred saying, "The bottles of beer must be kept on the wall. It is a centerpiece of our business. Remove the wall? What a waste of alcohol!"