Written by Will Offit

Saturday, 4 June 2016

image for Hodor still lives in the books Maybe you could find a new book to read? A book where Hodor is still alive, perhaps?

I'm not one to spoil things, but in this case, I think it's warranted: Hodor doesn't die in the books.

That's right. Your favorite character, with your favorite line, with your favorite nude scene. He's still alive in my version. The one that inspired the show. The one critics acclaimed as the best series since Lord of the Rings.

Woo! Hodor is alive! We did it! But wait a second, if I keep watching the TV show, then isn't Hodor still dead? Oh no! But, I want him alive!

Hmm, it looks like you have a problem on your hands. But, I think I may have just the solution. It might be time to put away the remote and find something else to do at 9 pm on Sundays. Who needs TV at that time anyway? I know I don't! Maybe you could find a new book to read? A book where Hodor is still alive, perhaps?

So the choice is yours. Do you want to live in a world where Hodor has been eaten by zombies or do you want to live in a world where Hodor goes on fun adventures with his best friends?

By all means keep watching the show if you just hate Hodor. I understand. You've hated him since the beginning. You've wanted him dead and you want him to stay dead. You want Ramsay to kill off the remaining Starks and to win the Iron Throne with The Mountain and The Sand Snakes at his side. I get it. That's what the TV show is for.

But maybe, just maybe, you aren't like the others. You do things a little bit differently, don't you. You have a soft spot in your heart for Hodor, the gentle giant, the holder of doors. Why don't you take a stroll down to Barnes and Noble this December and look at what new book is on display. I think you might like what you see.

And yes, you read that correctly. Hodor still stands for Hold the Door. The Bran warging time traveling still happens in my version. But in my version, Hodor fends off the zombies and catches up with Bran and Meera. The way it was meant to be.

I have a difficult time admitting this because the show holds a special place in my heart, but sometimes the TV version can never live up to the book it was originially printed on. But, that's okay. There's only so much television can do. The visual and auditory spectrum can capture only so much of the human spirit. That's why writing has existed since the beginning of civilization. Only in writing can a storyline be achieved that touches the deepest pits of our existence. Only in writing can Hodor still be alive.

Also another spoiler, but in my version, Margaery still does the walk of shame, but people are nice to her instead of throwing feces and rotten food and the high sparrow slowly drips oil on her as she goes.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Books
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