Guess what I found in my bowl of cereal this morning? It's a Super Duper Delegate Ticket to your Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia.
Unfortunately a medical condition prevents me from attending. I'm allergic to political hypocrisy.
My question is: Can I sell the ticket or trade it for something I can use?
My understanding is that a super duper delegate is granted special powers, like the ability to leap Trump buildings in a single bound and the authority to undermine six months worth of popular primary voting with a single stroke of the pen. That must be worth something to someone. Don't you think?
But wait. I have a few other concerns: Is Willy Wonka still trading those golden tickets? Tell him to count me in.
Also: Is it true that the convention will feature a grudge match between IBM's Watson and Hillary's private email server? And how much is Bernie paying the Oompa Loompas to get out the vote?
Finally: Can you get me the number of a good endocrinologist?