The gator (nicknamed Godzilla) nabbed outside a Houston-area mall has a lot to say about humans. Here are some direct quotes from his email to The Spoof:
-- "They muzzled me, which is why I'm using email for all my communications at this point. Phooey."
-- "They blasted my weight all over the Internet. What nerve! I plan to sue for invasion of privacy."
-- "I was just minding my own business and trying to get an early start on my Christmas shopping when they grabbed me. Bullies! Now I'll have to do all my shopping online."
-- "They used a plain old forklift to load me onto a truck. How humiliating! I deserved more elegant transportation."
-- "Have to admit, though, that they DID bring me to a nice animal reserve. There will be hell to pay, though, if Santa Claus doesn't have my new address. I'm definitely on Santa's NICE list. A lot of good that will do if he can't find me at my new digs!"