It must be lonely at the top, the spouse is out and you're stuck at home twiddling your thumbs, playing pocket billiards in your 18 roomed Devonshire pile.
Wandering around the house. Wondering what to do with yourself. All of a sudden the door bell rings. Who could that be at this time of day? The milkman has been and gone, as has the postman, delivering a van load of fan mail for your "A list" other half, and the paper boy is still five hours away.
Why it's Brad Pitt!, the old chum from across the road, star of such original cinematic masterpieces as SNATCH, OCEANS 29 and SE7EN THE SEQUEL, otherwise known as Four14en.
Maybe that's how it happened.
I don't actually know, I'm just your reporter trying to break it to all you ladies out there that Brad and Guy are, well, there is no easy way to say this, but, you know that film "Brokeback Mountain"? Well, I wouldn't be surprised if they were in the sequel.
Rumour has it, that they have been fending off the loneliness with a bit of ancient Greek machismo, the company of men, the old boys club.
If these dastardly tales prove true, it could mean HEARTbreak Mountain for many a young lady across the world, especially now Orlando Bloom has gone all spiritual and started communing with his inner self, and we all know where that kind of thing leads, don't we girls?
One day it's your navel that you're gazing at, the very next day you're gazing at a strapping six footer in a naval blazer.
All the real men seem to have done the off, and lets face it, George Cloony is fooling no one with his "I like living on Lake Como on my own" malarkey. Rock Hudson tried that and you see what happened there.
Anyhoo. Back, to the thrust of my matter.
Bride and Gay (sorry, I mean Brad and Guy) have been meeting at the tradesman's entrance for a while now, while their respective "hot to trot" totties have been busying themselves with the Dark Continent and its inhabitants in an effort to fill up their mansions, as well as the gaping hole of vacuity that inhabits their souls and the mind numbing tedium that their lives have become, with a veritable united nations of squealing brats.
Messer's Ritchie and Pit have been playing hide the sausage due to them not getting "IT" from their erstwhile paramours, and not just "IT" either, no hugs, no words of comfort (if you don't include SMS from across the globe that is) and none of the day to day niceties that make a relationship work.
So basically, at some point in the last couple of months, Guy 'n' Brad have been a twosome tag team. First of all searching the city night life for "shits and giggles" but ending up in each others arms for giggles, and Pits arms have been a source of solace for the frankly fed-up Guy.