Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Monday, 27 July 2015

ASK DR. BILLINGSGATE: This feature was first published in The New York Times Sunday Edition in October 2006 when Dear Abby was found unable to fog a mirror, and I was asked to stand in. One of the first questions came from then North Korea Foreign Minister, Park Sun.

Dear Dr. Billingsgate:

As Foreign Minister for Kim Jung IL, I find it reprehensible that you imply that Kim Jung's sex slaves snicker behind his back about the diminutive size of his organ. That kind of talk just makes him more angry, and he takes it out on me...Park Sun

Dear Mr. Park Sun:

Are you trying to tell me that Kim Jung gets so mad that he parks it where the sun doesn't shine? Have you considered telling him that your buttocks are off limits to his rapacious desires? Tell him to keep his mittens off your kittens.

Just remember what Confucius say: "Sun shine best where no Kim Jung shadow park." I hope that this profundity takes away some of the soreness. Believe me, I feel your pain......Next question please!

The following is a question recently submitted by Slim Everdingle of Beaver Crossing, Nebraska.

Dear Dr. Billingsgate:

In what region do most women have curly hair?

Dear Slim:

I hope that this is not a trick question. I believe the answer is Fiji, which is in the South Pacific region.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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